Let's go back to that all-so-traumatizing camping trip during which, at one point, I was sure a cougar was going to pounce on my back and bite my neck and drag me off into the woods and feed me to her cubs (kittens?).
Day 2 of camping:
My leg was gushing pretty bad, especially the knee. And especially over night all over my blanket. Gross... Anyways, I think I was a good sport about things; went for a swim in the morning (fish bait, I know...), hiked around, and pretty much did everything that everyone else did.
Now. Picture me, in shorts and a tee, sitting by the lake, feet dangling in water. Tranquility...*sigh*...but then! I looked down and there was a big fat black fly sitting in knee gush EATING IT!!! *shivers* Uck! And so I freaked out and had to talk myself off the ledge.
A couple days later...
Open Scene: Linda has just closed the bedroom door and is laying in bed watching a fly on the ceiling rub his icky little back legs together.
Me: (Too lazy to go on fly swatting mission) I’m just going to open the door again so the fly can buzz his way outta here. *opens door*
BF: *Tauntingly* But if he stays in here he can snack on your knee while you sleep.
Me: *Crazy arms/legs, smacks BF* Ewe! That’s fucking si-
BF: *Singing* It’s the circle of liiife…
Me: *Continuing to thrash* Eaaaah! Stop…
BF: *Convincingly* Hey. Calm down. *Smiles* Hakuna Matata.
Me: Hakuna Matata?
BF: Yeah. *Shrugs shoulders matter-of-fact-ly* Hakuna Matata.
Me: *Shakes head. Eye roll.*
BF: *Grabs boobs and shakes vigorously. Crazy eyes* Hakuna Ma-tah-tahs!!!
 |
| They're really singing about boobs. |
And then the next day:
I was just standing around outside minding my own business and I felt something on my leg and looked down and WASP EATING KNEE!! WASP EATING KNEE!!! Ahh...Shake it off. Shake it off. Deep breaths...it's ok...it's all over now...you're ok...
But seriously! *Stamps foot* Gawd...
Can't they eat someone else's wound?
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